Questions and doubts about one's memories can be major obstacles – to learning about unwanted or abusive childhood sexual experiences, and to learning how to overcome their effects.

You may be wondering things like:

• Can I believe my memories?
• What if I'm not sure what happened?
• How do I deal with the memories?

We do have answers to those questions and others. Here we provide some basic information about human memory and memories of stressful or traumatic experiences. The goal is to increase your understanding of the key aspects of human memory involved. Some complexity cannot be avoided. We hope the information below is more clarifying than confusing.

Memory researchers distinguish a variety of different types. When it comes to memories of unwanted or abusive sexual experiences, three types of memory are key: episodic, implicit, and procedural.

Episodic memories are what we typically have in mind when we think about remembering something that happened in our past. They are memories of specific events, times, and places, and include the emotions associated with them. These are memories that we recognize as memories of events in our past, as in, "I remember the time I rode that huge rollercoaster at Great America."

However, episodic memories can be partial or "fragmentary." Someone may remember only "snapshots" or brief "clips" of an event. Or remember visual images and sounds but not feelings, or feelings and sounds but not images, etc.

It is not uncommon to have such fragmentary memories of unwanted or abusive childhood sexual experiences. But such memories can be quite confusing, and can lead one to wonder what – if anything – might really have happened, and whether one's memories can be trusted at all.

Implicit memories are memories that contain information about a past event or experience but are not recognized as being about that event or experience. These memories are typically fragmentary sensations or emotions that get triggered by experiences that the brain associates with past experiences but – and here's the rub – the connection is not recognized.

For example, someone might become afraid or angry when touched by an older woman. Or someone could have sudden disturbing images of rape when being sexual in a loving way. When such experiences happen, they can be very strange and upsetting, and can seem "irrational" to the person having them. He may think, "What's wrong with me?" or "Am I crazy?"

But when such experiences are implicit memories, then what's happening makes complete sense and is definitely not a sign of insanity. It's just how the brain works sometimes. Eventually, such experiences may be recognized as fragmentary memories that are connected to past unwanted or abusive sexual experiences.

Still, implicit memories can be very disturbing. Also, sometimes it's just not possible to know, for sure, whether such experiences are memories of actual past experiences or simply responses caused by brain processes we don't understand.

Procedural memories are memories of how to do something or perform a particular behavior. Importantly, it is possible to have procedural memories based on experiences for which one has no episodic memories. For example, a child may know or "remember" how to perform a sexual act without (consciously) remembering having performed it in the past.

Most procedural memories, however, are habitual responses to feelings of being harmed or betrayed (all over again). Many of the "self-defense" and "self-blaming" behaviors and thoughts that people have – retreating in fear, intense self-criticism, striking out in anger – are repetitions of childhood responses to being exploited or harmed by others, not only in sexual ways but physical and emotional ways too.

These kinds of procedural memories cause many (probably most) of the problems we have in our relationships. They are "conditioned responses" that are deeply etched into our brains, and are particularly likely to come out when we're feeling stressed or vulnerable. Learning how to recognize such behaviors and "nip them in the bud" is one of the most important and challenging aspects of healing from unwanted or abusive experiences and becoming a healthy, responsible and mature adult.

Some people will primarily "remember" what happened with thoughts and behaviors that involve reliving responses to experiences that they cannot (fully) remember as episodic memories. Some will only suspect that they had such experiences because they are having what may be fragmentary episodic, implicit, and procedural memories.

Such confusing memories are more likely if the sexual experiences happened when one was very young (before age 5), drugged in some way, or in a state of intense fear or "dissociation." Each of these factors can prevent experiences from being fully "encoded" by the brain systems that support eposidic memory.

Understandably, it can be very disturbing to have such limited memories of potentially life-changing experiences in one's past. And it can be very difficult to accept that one may never know more. However, for a variety of reasons, it is generally not a good idea to seek understanding and healing by "recovering" memories. (For more information, see Personal Concerns and Questions About Your Memories? at Dr. Jim Hopper's web page on recovered memories.)

Our brains do not simply record and "play back" events exactly as they happened in the past. Instead, almost every instance of recall involves some processes of reconstruction by the brain, and therefore involves some degree of distortion.

This does not mean that memories are "only constructions" and totally untrustworthy. Recent research suggests that one brain system records what actually happened and another how someone makes sense or meaning of what happened. Other research shows that people usually accurately recall the "gist" and "central details" of highly stressful experiences. For example, someone may remember who the other person was and the nature of the most disturbing or arousing sexual act or acts (central details), but not all of the furniture in a room where it happened (peripheral details).

And so, the fact that human memory is not like videotape does mean that memories may not be entirely accurate, and that any particular memory could involve a mixture of actual and imagined events (or parts of them).

Of course, the picture is even more complex. Someone may block out disturbing emotions and sensations by going into a "dissociated state." For example, one may focus his attention on spot on the ceiling, or imagine himself in a completely different place altogether. In those cases, the "central detail" of the experience, for that person at that time, is something that would typically be a peripheral detail or not even part of the memory at all. So the main or central details of the sexual experience may not be registered at all.

Any particular event may be remembered only in the form of implicit and procedural memories. In that case, the person's brain has always remembered but the person has not always recognized that the implicit and procedural memories were in fact memories of actual events. Or there may have always been fragmentary episodic memories, but they were so fragmentary that the person didn't know or recognize that they reflected actual events.

• Human memory is not simple and straightforward, but instead complex and complicated.
• There are many ways that memories of unwanted or abusive sexual experiences can be fragmentary, unrecognized as memories, and causes of confusion, doubt, and problems in current relationships.
• There are experienced therapists who can help men sort out these issues.

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