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| “We know how love and support can get you through the worst things. That’s why we support and work with 1in6.” Read more » |
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| “What a fantastic resource for couples who want to deal with this issue! For us, having children was the big turning point. Whatever crisis or opportunity your relationship is facing, know this: You can find the information and help you need, starting here and now.” Read more » |
Along with the courageous couples on the right, we welcome you to 1in6.org.
We have lots of resources here for you, and some good options for where to start.
Maybe you're just beginning to learn about how sexual experiences in childhood could be having negative effects on a man you care about. Or how you can best support him. Maybe you've been dealing with these issues for years, and are wondering how this website could be useful to you. Maybe something in between.
Whatever your situation, we have resources for you. But first, our most important advice: pace yourself, and don't push him.
Why pace yourself? You can learn a lot pretty quickly, from this website and others, and some excellent books we recommend. But you don't have to figure out everything right away. If that's a pressure you feel, we totally understand. We also know that, if you don't pace yourself, going full steam ahead can create new problems.
Why not push him? When we feel great pressure to push others to get help, we're usually responding more to our own (difficult to tolerate) feelings than to the other person's needs. And the other person will sense this, resists and push back. Then it becomes a struggle that helps neither person, especially the one who really could benefit from getting some help.
Before trying to share what you learn with the man you're concerned about, take some time to "digest" it for yourself. Take some time to sort through your own feelings, beliefs, and needs. And maybe most importantly, take some time to think about the most effective way to talk with him.
Here are our recommendations, depending on your situation, for where to start on this site:
- If you're wondering whether one or more sexual experiences in his childhood or adolescence are related to some of his current problems or struggles, or may have been "sexual abuse," then you may want to start with Definitions, Labels, and Sorting It Out For Himself.
| Pace yourself. Don't push him. |
- If you're feeling a lot of pressure to find help for a man you care about, or feel like you could use some advice and help yourself, we recommend starting with Finding Help.
- If you want to learn about other men just beginning to address the issue, or read words of hope from some who are healing or have healed, you may want to start with Other Guys Like Him.
- If you're feeling down or hopeless – about the problems he's experiencing, about his ability to sort things out, make changes, or ever be happy – then you may want to start with Hope.
- If you have lots of questions about the effects of unwanted or abusive childhood sexual experiences, then you may want to go straight to the Answers section of For Men Educating Themselves.
Please keep in mind that, as someone who cares about a man who's had such experiences, you are not alone. Researchers estimate that 1 in 6 men have experienced unwanted or abusive sexual experiences before age 16. And this is a low estimate, of experiences involving physical contact, though we know that noncontact experiences can have lasting negative effects too.
Finally, if you feel that we haven't provided information you need – on how to get started or anything else – please don't hesitate to give us feedback.